If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
