not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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