Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
