If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
nutella sex= disaster
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
