I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
