what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
