Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
