Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
