that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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