quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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