quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
