Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
