i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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