You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
