hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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