there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
