I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
