My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
