Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
