You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
