even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
