so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
