Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
