Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
