I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
