Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
