so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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