I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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