I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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