Plan B is the new Plan A
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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