SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
