so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
