Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
