So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
