you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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