i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
