I bet he comes in French.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
