After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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