sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
