i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
