i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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