??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
