Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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