vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's shark week go big or go home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Lo siento on account of my penis...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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