Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
