Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
