I didn't shave. On purpose
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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