i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
