guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
