Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
