you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
