he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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