He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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