"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
