my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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