If that was your dad, he is hot
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
