I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
