my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
