Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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