I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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