He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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