I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
