Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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