Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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