Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
