So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
