did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
