From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
