I think I died a long time ago.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dignity is for republicans.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
