I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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